Thursday, December 31, 2015

My Weird Neighborhood {1-4}

 
Part 1 : The Ex Cat Lady
 The sky is a deep dark blue as the storm clouds move their way into the small town that I reside in at the moment. A storm is supposed to be on the way, so says the local weatherman on the 6pm news channel, but he's been known to be wrong before.
I'm sitting on the front porch swing eating an apple and watching people running around their front yards trying to get their yard decorations inside before the strong winds that are expected to come with the storm blows them away.
I live in a really weird neighbourhood in a house that I inherited from my grandparents. Mind you, I've lived here my whole life as they raised me from a young child, but to other's this neighbourhood is considered to be normal. To me on the other hand I consider life here to be very weird. See I'm Miss Antisocial when it comes to a few of the other nosey neighbours in the neighbourhood, especially those who reside on my street. My Grams use to tell me to lighten up and enjoy the unusualness of the neighbourhood.. unusualness is just another name for weird in my humble opinion.
I live with my three furry four legged roommates, one who is lying curled up tight against me, the cast with small black paw prints drawn on it on his little paw was laying in front of him as he slept peacefully knowing that no monsters were going to get him and that he was safe and sound with me.. where I go, my little man goes as well.
Old Mrs. Torrins is outside in her bathrobe mumbling and yelling at the random children who were on their way home from school. "Get off my sidewalk!" she yelled at one youngster who was riding his bike home. She's not a very nice person, no indeed she is not. Luckily she lives a few house down so I really don't have to deal with her so much. A burst of wind blew by and her bathrobe blew up exposing what was underneath and now I'm blind... Oh the nightmares to come...
Her only companion ran away a few months ago.. no he limped away a few months ago. He didn't get very far and was almost hit by a car when I ran out and grabbed him from the dangerous street. I took him to the local vet and discovered that his poor little leg was broken and he was malnourished and had missing patches of fur.. also you can toss a bad case of fleas into the mixture as well.
I took him home a few hours later and changed his name to "Little Man" and he actually responds to it. The vet told me that he had to be at least 6 months old so it would be easy for him to adjust to a new name. I wasn't afraid that she wouldn't recognize him seeing as how he is solid black and well I have 3 other solid black cats in the house and they all look the same, except this one has a cast and is a baby.
Mrs. Torrins has seen him lying in my window a few times and I have caught her peeking in my window only to jump out from behind the curtain to scare her and inquire as to whether she wants me to call the police on her for being a peeping tom. I know she's suspicious, but I really don't care. Next time she looks in my window she won't like what will happens to her.
 
Part 2: Dreams of false hope
My Grams befriended the lady across the street because the lady was lonely and upset that her husband moved out of the house. They live in a small house with a pretty big yard. He used to be an ad executive, but quit his job when they asked him to do the unthinkable..
I have yet to discover what the unthinkable is, but I'm sure I can get it out of her sooner or later. Curious minds want to know.. ya know? Mrs. Isobel Tuttles was a goody two shoes who considers herself to be dull and boring, but in all actuality she is quite beautiful and funny.
Grams used to tell me about some of the funny things Mrs. Tuttles did in high school and I have to admit.. anyone who puts their school up for sale and actually has people try to buy it.. that's a pretty hilarious. The bad thing about Mrs. T is that she's in a love triangle right now.. she loves her husband, but he loves another. He's totally out of her reach.
She actually lives to make his life easier and did everything she could to make him happy, but she just can't compare to the other love of his life. The kitchen is always stocked up with food and there was a fridge in the garage that is stocked with beer of all kinds and sizes.
She used to tell Gram that she dreamed of the day when he would love her and only her and she would be his first priority and not the second. They were going to have a family and all that changed when he left his job and went into business for himself. He works out of his house and makes pretty good money at that.
She walked outside, stared at the sky and glanced across the street. I waved her over, she ran over and sat next to me on the swing eating bonbons out of a chipped coffee cup. "Looks like we're going to have a storm."
"Yep, changes are coming to the neighborhood, ya know?" I smiled and rubbed my Little Mans back.
"The ends justify the means, I suppose.." She handed me a bonbon and smiled, "here's to the changes."
I smiled back and munched on the chocolaty goodness and then hiccupped. "Mmmmm, rum balls."
 
Part 3: He who lives in.. what??
The storm continued to brew on as Mrs. Tuttles and I munched on her rum bonbons. She made a trip back home and brought over the huge Tupperware bowl filled with them along with another big one for me to keep. I swear this woman is going to be my new best friend if she keeps supplying me with the rum balls.
Usually the summer days in the hills of Alabama are long and hot. I watched across the street at the little house that shone in the sun. It was a house made of empty cans that has become Mr. Tuttles summer home and center of his home business. The house was made of empty beer cans that he had Gorilla Glued together in his "ex" garage.
I remember Gram telling about the hundreds of dollars he spent on the glue and long hours into the night he spent gluing the cans together to form the walls. Then he did the ceiling which is being held up by pillars of glued beer cans as well.
When he was done with the construction I heard a cheer coming from across the street at like 6am. I leaned out the window to see him dragging an old pink chair into the little house and a couple coolers.
He had gone a step further when he bought a mini fridge and a set of dishes and shelves. Pretty soon he moved into his little beer can house and left Mrs. Tuttles to her rum bonbons and soap operas.
I got up and walked across the street and stopped at Mr. Tuttles new house. "Hi Mr. Tuttles how's business?"
"Oh honey it's great, how are things going with you?" Mr. Tuttles noticed his wife sitting on my porch swing and looked over at me suspiciously. "Did she send you over here to try to talk me into coming home?"
"I'm great, oh no sir, I'm here because I'm craving a burger.. so how are the burgers?" I smiled that girl next door smile and it worked like a charm.
Mr. Tuttles turned and looked at his back window ledge and sighed. "This storm is ruining business for today, no burgers."
I bent down and peeked inside. His business was merely a summer thing. He cooks hamburgers on one of the back window ledges and hot dogs on the other.
There was a tv sitting in the corner of his little house and the sound of Mrs. Tuttles soap operas drifted outside. I raised an eyebrow at him and shrugged.
"Don't you think you should go inside with this storm coming.. it might blow your house away."
"I put this place together with Gorilla glue so it won't go down, and if it does I'm suing the company." He smiled and pulled his head back in then bade me good bye.
I went back home and sat on the swing and sighed, " I think he's gone mad loopy in there. He's watching soap operas.. I thought he hated those?"
Mrs. Tuttles shrugged and stood, her legs were a bit wobbly. I helped her home and she laid on the couch. I closed the windows and made sure everything was locked up before the storm came raging upon our quiet neighborhood.
As I walked across the street I heard Old Mrs. Torrins in her backyard swearing up a storm because she found that her sheets were pulled off the line and were on the ground in a puddle of mud.
I grabbed an umbrella and trotted across the street and gave it to Mr. Tuttles, who sat in his chair with a pair of raspberry colored paisley rain boots on and his yellow rain slicker. He had taken a tarp and covered the house with it and had boarded up the windows with Plexi glass so that he could sit and watch the rain fall.
I wished him well and wondered what he was going to do about the open front door. Before I could ask him about it, he opened up two umbrellas and stuck them in the front door blocking out the rain.
Back home I put the cats inside and pulled the shades up on the front window to watch.
 
 
Part 4: With the bad comes the good *End*
Now here I sit writing in my journal and watching the storm tear through this weird neighborhood of mine.
Mrs. Tuttles seems to have slept through it because normally she would have run outside to help her husband when his house of beer cans flew up and over into old lady Torrins front yard.
Mr. Tuttles is on his cell phone in her front yard screaming at someone as a tree branch snapped off and shattered the house made of beer cans.
Old lady Torrins is on her front porch screaming at Mr. Tuttles to get his trash off of her yard or she was calling the police and he responded with a threat of a lawsuit since her tree broke his beautiful house.
There was a loud roar coming from across the street and Mr. Tuttles turned to find that a mini tornado had sucked up everything he owned and all that was left was the extension cord that was plugged into the outlet in his "ex" garage.
The storm lasted about an hour and then the streets became loud and busy as everyone gathered in the street outside of old lady Torrins house gawking at the site they saw.
The beer can house was in shambles, Mr. Tuttles was sitting on the ground among his precious beer cans crying because his house is destroyed and the powers that be at the insurance company don't seem to care as it's not covered in his insurance. Those at the Gorilla glue company told him that it wasn't their fault that the storm blew his house over and to take it up with mother nature.
Mrs. Torrin was screaming from inside a bush where she landed when a burst of wind picked her up and deposited her upside down in the bush in front of her house. No one moved to help her because they didn't want to get yelled at for coming into her yard..
The police showed up along with an ambulance. As the EMT's were pulling the lady from the bush she was screaming at them to get out of her yard the whole time.
Mrs. Tuttles walked outside to find herself face to face with a very handsome police officer. I foresee a marriage in their near future.
As for me, I've decided that maybe living here in this weird neighborhood is doable for now until I find another one. 

No comments:

Post a Comment